


Mr. and Mrs. Bluebird

by Rhiannon87



Category: Campaign (Podcast)
Genre: Blue suffering, Fake Marriage, Gen, Jealousy, Other, Undercover as a Couple
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-03
Updated: 2017-04-03
Packaged: 2018-10-14 13:44:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10537698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rhiannon87/pseuds/Rhiannon87
Summary: “It’s an assassination mission, so obviously Zero has to go,” Blue said, gesturing broadly with a half-empty mug of caf. “And the other half of the couple will just as obviously be--”“Me,” Aava said without looking up from her datapad.Or, Aava and Zero have a lovely time posing as a married couple, Blue suffers, and Synox and Fen just try to get through it with their sanity intact.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by and dedicated to the lovely Kat Kuhl, whose Twitter poll about Bluebird-based fake marriages kicked off a treasure trove of prompts and theories about the evil kids.

_ Day Zero: Mission Briefing _

“It’s an assassination mission, so obviously Zero has to go,” Blue said, gesturing broadly with a half-empty mug of caf. “And the other half of the couple will just as obviously be--”

“Me,” Aava said without looking up from her datapad.

Blue gaped at her, and in the momentary silence, Synox struck. “Well, that’s settled then. Zero and Aava will pose as a married couple to infiltrate this resort, locate the Rebel sympathizer, and eliminate him. Blue and I will provide intel and extraction if need be.”

“Sounds perfect,” Aava said as she got to her feet. “Zero, do you know how to dance?”

Zero turned his head towards Blue, flashed a winky-face at him, then stood to follow his new pretend wife. “You bet I do. Want me to pack my suit?”

“Oh, please do.”

The door slid shut behind them. Synox nodded to himself and tapped at his datapad, jotting down notes, until the distinct sound of ceramic cracking echoed through the room. He looked over at Blue, who clutched the broken handle of his mug in one furiously trembling hand.

“ _ What just happened!?” _

 

_ Day One: Check-In _

Blue shoved his glasses up on his nose, watching his tapped feed of the resort’s security as Aava and Zero made their way, arm-in-arm, to the reception desk. They looked perfectly at ease as they strolled across the polished wood floors, Zero pulling their shared suitcase in his free hand. When they reached the desk and Aava stepped away, Zero caught her hand and raised it to his helmet, miming a kiss and displaying a pink heart. Aava laughed and turned to talk to the receptionist.

“We’ll see who’s laughing,” Blue muttered through clenched teeth as the audio, slightly out of sync with the holo, piped in.

“Hello, ma’am, and welcome to the Eternal Sunset resort,” the receptionist said. “Can I get your names?”

Blue leaned forward. His forged cover identities were iron-clad, able to stand up to Imperial scrutiny, much less whatever security measures this pathetic beach resort had.

“Evie Darkstabber,” Aava said, never losing her charming smile. “And my husband, Nadir.”

The receptionist looked at her computer for a moment before finding the reservation that Blue had placed into the system mere hours ago. “Ah, yes, here you are. In the Halcyon Suite. Excellent choice.”

Aava took the keycards and held her arm out for Zero again. Blue seethed and grabbed his mug.

 

_ Day Two: Reconnaissance _

“How’s the room?”

“Room’s great,” Zero said, hanging by his knees over the edge of a roof, trying to get a clear view into the Rebel financier’s suite. “Caf service every morning. And the bed is  _ so _ comfortable.”

There was a long, long pause on Blue’s end of the comm. “You’re sharing a bed?” he finally ground out.

Zero grinned and increased the optics on his helmet to zoom in on the target’s window. “Of course,” he said. “We’re married, after all.”

Blue made a sound halfway between a failing starship engine and a dying tooka. 

 

_ Day Three: Infiltration _

The holomap of the resort filled the middle of the room, and Blue paced around it, jabbing at various rooms and halls as he guided Aava and Zero to the security office. Synox stood off to the side, monitoring the camera feeds of the security guards on staff.

“Excuse me, sir,” Fentara said from just behind him. “May I ask you a question?”

Synox nodded without looking away from the holoscreen. “Go ahead, trooper.”

“Which one is he jealous of?”

Synox blinked. “Excuse me?”

“Minister Blue,” Fentara said. “He’s pretty obviously jealous about this whole fake marriage situation. I’m just not sure which half of the marriage is upsetting him.”

Synox did look away from the screen then, turning his attention to Blue. “--well  _ maybe _ if you two hadn’t gone to the pool at midnight last night, you wouldn’t be so tired!” the Propaganda Minister screeched. “And-- Aava, I don’t  _ care _ how lovely the moons were! Focus!”

He looked back to Fentara, who was doing an admirable job of not smirking. “I honestly do not want to know.”

 

_ Day Four: Planning _

“I need a waiter’s uniform, a staff ID, and a concealable blaster,” Blue snapped as he strode down the hall. “Somebody make it happen.”

“All due respect, Minister,” Synox said, “but our role is to remain on the Bluebird and monitor the situation. Aava and Zero--”

“Will. Need. Backup,” Blue ground out. “Now send one of your troopers to get me a damn uniform!”

 

_ Day Five: Execution _

Zero twirled Aava with expert skill and grace, easily catching her in his arms as she spun back to him. There were plenty of other well-dressed couples at the ball, but, in Aava’s objective opinion, she and Zero were the most stylish by far. And definitely the best dancers--Zero hadn’t been kidding when he said he knew what he was doing. This was actually proving to be rather fun.

“We should do this again sometime,” she said, smiling, and scanned the room for their target. Still by the bar with his wife, good.

Zero chuckled. “I’m pretty sure Blue would have a heart attack and die if we did.”

Aava blinked at his impassive mask for a moment. “Is that supposed to be a drawback?”

“Pretty sure we--oh, you’ve got to be kidding me.”

Aava blinked and shifted position slightly, studying the reflections in Zero’s helmet to see what had caught his attention. After a moment, she saw it. A tall, gangly waiter, inexpertly swerving through the dancers with a full tray of champagne glasses.

“I’m going to kill him,” she said calmly, mere moments before Blue tripped over a dancer’s back foot and spilled champagne all over Aava’s dress.

 

_ Day Six: Debriefing _

“...so Aava kept the mark’s wife distracted with cleaning up her dress in the fresher, while I dragged the target into a closet and snapped his neck,” Zero concluded. “Cleaning crew will probably find him in a few hours.”

“And thanks to his pre-nuptial agreement, his wife will get nothing,” Synox said. “The money will pass to his brother, who is a loyal Imperial citizen. All in all, a successful mission.”

“I’d say so,” Aava agreed.

“Barely held together,” Blue declared. “You two never would have pulled it off without my help.”

Aava raised an eyebrow. “I think we’d have handled ourselves just fine,” she drawled. “But I understand. It’s frustrating to be left back on the ship. So next time we need a married couple… you and Synox can handle it.”

Blue looked at Synox. Synox looked at Blue. Aava smirked and strode out of the room, while Zero leaned back in his chair and tucked his hands behind his head.

“You two already bicker like a married couple. And you’d be so cute together!”


End file.
